


wear your colors

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (Comics)
Genre: Confessions, Guilty jerking off, M/M, Nude Photos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:37:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fourth has him leaning towards the camera, pulling away a small black mask from his eyes. Steve finds himself staring at that one, wondering what it'd be like to have Bucky look at him like that. Leaning in, pushing Steve further and further.</p>
<p>He's wanted Bucky for so long he's become good at ignoring it, turning it into a steady low buzz in the back of his mind. </p>
<p>The photos zero in on that low buzz, making it louder, turning it into an desperate ache. All for someone he would never risk going after. There was always too much at stake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wear your colors

The photoshoot had been released a week ago and Steve still has barely looked despite everyone still talking about it. The media didn't know what they should feel but they knew it had to be talked about. Some hated it ("gross" "unamerican" "sinful") while others applauded it ("honest" "open" "gorgeous"). Steve had tried to stay focused on the interview that went with the photos, reading Bucky's words over and over, knowing where he would have laughed with the interviewer, where he would have hesitated and gone quiet.

And even if Steve knows everything Bucky reveals in the interview, it feels so matter of fact laid out in black and white print.

Since the sham of a trial, Bucky hasn't spoken much. Focusing on being a superhero, he tells Steve. Trying to prove himself. Steve feels like he should be doing something to try to show Bucky he doesn't have to, he's done enough. But Steve's never been good at getting Bucky to stand down, relax.

There are lots of things he's still not good at with Bucky, words he doesn't know how to say.

He finally decides to look at Bucky's photoshoot. The first picture is of his back, head bowed, shoulders hunched slightly, drawing the skin tight. The lighting makes every small mark jump out, old and new scars, the faded tattoo he had gotten with Toro, the sharp line between metal and skin. It's of his back but Steve is struck by how exposed Bucky is making himself.

Another photo is more provocative, Bucky seated with his back to a wall, legs bent, parted just enough to imply what he wants, sucking on his lower lip. He's wearing red briefs that remind Steve of his old costume and nothing else. He's smiling in the next one, looking at something behind the camera, seated on a stool in those same red briefs. With his legs spread, Steve can see the shield logo imprinted on the fabric, by Bucky's right hip. His logo and Steve feels his breath catch at the sudden flare of possessiveness. Bucky looks at ease, comfortable despite the attention and how exposed he is. Every scar is visible.

A fourth has him leaning towards the camera, pulling away a small black mask from his eyes. Steve finds himself staring at that one, wondering what it'd be like to have Bucky look at him like that. Leaning in, pushing Steve further and further.

He's wanted Bucky for so long he's become good at ignoring it, turning it into a steady low buzz in the back of his mind. Almost forgotten before Bucky came back, never gone but Bucky was dead so why feel anything, and afterwards Bucky was so damaged at first, Steve would never risk it.

The photos zero in on that low buzz, making it louder, turning it into an desperate ache. All for someone he would never risk going after. There was always too much at stake.

When he flips to the last photo, his hand still strays to his cock, already half hard just from looking. Once can't hurt, he assures himself.

The last photo is like a reverse of the first, it's Bucky from the front, head held high, arms wrapped around himself so his fingers hide the join at his left shoulder and the other hand covers his dick. Somehow the position only makes him look vulnerable despite his eyes meeting the camera, challenging the viewer.

Steve's hand jerks faster, eyes following the line of Bucky's hips to where it's cut off by Bucky's own hand, taunting him. The one person he'd never been brave or foolhardy enough to go after. He follows the line of Bucky's arm back up. In the lighting, the metal looks harsh, otherworldly but it's still Bucky. Still part of him. Steve wonders what it would feel like on his skin, on his cock.

Steve bites his lip to muffle his groan. There's a flare of metal on his tongue and for a second he thinks he's imagined the feel of Bucky's arm against his lips he can actually taste it until he realizes he split his lip.

He doesn't last much longer, doesn't let himself drag this out. He comes hard, hand still in his pants as if somehow never taking his erection out made it better.

He flops back on his bed, grimacing at the feeling of his damp pants on his skin. The ache doesn't go away, and somehow, giving himself this, letting himself want Bucky has only made it worse. He closes the magazine to get away from Bucky's eyes but the cover photo is of him too, holding the shield in front of him, some clever title about Captain America emblazoned over it.

With a pained sigh, he finally gets up to go take a cold shower. Steve's conscience screams at him the whole time how he can't do this anymore. Can't keep hiding as if that makes it better and jerking off to pictures of his best friend feels like a violation of some kind of trust. He's never been good at hiding anyway.

-

Steve knows where to find Bucky at almost any given point. Bucky has his routines, a mix of being raised with the routine of an army base and little superstitions that have become habit.

Right now, he's at his apartment, finishing up a jog. Steve had hoped to get there when Bucky was finished showering, and dressed but something must have delayed Bucky earlier because he opens the door with his t-shirt still clinging to his skin with sweat.

"Steve?" He steps aside quickly. He even sounds faintly out of breath which Steve latches onto as something to talk about, something that isn't him.

"Are you ok? You haven't been-"

Bucky rolls his eyes and makes his way into the apartment, yanking off his shirt as he goes. "You are not allowed to lecture me about pushing myself to hard."

"As if you can stop me."

Bucky snorts and stops by the kitchen. "What's up Steve?"

Steve's eyes move to the metal arm, he's been keeping it exposed and visible since the trial. No more hiding, he had said. Steve's thoughts go back to earlier, wondering what it would feel like curled around him. "I need to confess something."

For a second Bucky just eyes him. "You're so Catholic sometimes," he finally teases. "Well?"

Steve sinks into one of Bucky's kitchen chairs. "This is pathetic," he says, trying to warn Bucky to stop him, to give him permission to not do this. But Bucky doesn't say anything and instead gets a glass of water for himself. "I don't know where to start."

"If this is going to be a story I should probably shower now."

"I've had a stupid crush on you since the- a long time," Steve blurts out. "And I thought it would go away but it never did and I managed to ignore it because I had to help you, but then I saw the photoshoot..." he trails off. Not sure he wants to admit what he'd done with the photoshoot.

Bucky looks at him, expression carefully neutral. Steve looks back, not sure what Bucky will see in his face but trying to look away now feels even worse. "You never did give any reaction to the shoot. I know the media was begging for one."

"It wasn't my business." He shrugs. There had been phone calls from all the major newspapers and networks, all wanting to know what he thought about Bucky's interview. He'd deleted each one as it came. "I mean- It's your moment. My opinion-" He cuts himself off because this isn't the point. "Can I admit I didn't even look at it until about two hours ago?"

Bucky slowly advances towards him, expression still unreadable. "And what'd you do when you looked?" He doesn't stop until he's between Steve's legs, looming over him.

"Fuck Bucky," he breathes. "You really need me to spell it out?"

"Please." His confidence wavers for a second, and Steve knows he really is pleading. For all that Bucky tries to be more sure of himself, who he is, there are moments he still falters.

Somehow it puts Steve on more comfortable ground. He knows how to reassure Bucky. "I've wanted you for awhile Bucky but I wasn't going to fuck up how we worked together in the war so never did anything before. And that photoshoot- you're gorgeous Buck. Couldn't resist-"

"You jerked off to me?" He drops to his knees, palms on Steve's thighs to give him some leverage. All Steve can answer with is a sheepish smile. "That's really hot. If I ask really nicely can I watch next time?"

Steve's dick twitches at the thought of next time. "If there's a next time, I want it to be with you, not a picture." He takes a risk and leans down to touch his lips to Bucky's. If Bucky rejects him now, at least he'll have gotten that out. No more secrets.

"Well," Bucky's tongue darts out over his lips, and Steve's eyes follow it. "You should at least take me out on a date first. Something with expensive steaks."

"And wine?"

"Of course." Bucky grins and suddenly his lips are on Steve's. "I should I confess, I've had a pretty stupid crush on you for a long time," he whispers. "I've strut around naked in front of you before, can't believe it took a fucking photoshoot to get your ass here."

A smile stretches over his face and Steve knows it's stupid and giddy but at least Bucky returns it so he's not alone. "Are you going to give me shit or go shower so I can date you?"

"I'm going, I'm going." He pauses right in the door way to the kitchen and smirks at Steve over his shoulder. Slowly, he peels off his t-shirt, eyes staying locked on Steve the whole time. There's no camera, it doesn't matter that he's seen Bucky naked before, this is just for him. "You could come with."

Steve hesitates a second and Bucky's hands drop to his waist band of his shorts. "Bucky," he groans, not sure what he wants. Running after Bucky now feels like somehow they're doing this wrong, making sex more important than it should be.

The shorts fall to the floor and underneath he's wearing the red briefs from the photoshoot. "They're comfy," he says. Steve doesn't need anymore encouragement to get up and moving, but he catches Bucky in the hall, pining him to the wall. "This-"

Steve drops to his knees, remembering that little shield on Bucky's right hip. It's still there as if taunting him. He mouths at it. It's different from Bucky carrying the shield. The shield is part of the Captain America job description., this though is pressed against his skin, somewhere intimate. Steve cups him through the fabric and squeezes gently. "Shower later?"

"Fuck, yes."

Steve presses one last kiss to the shield logo before getting Bucky's briefs off completely.

-

There are photos of them the next day in newspapers, all focused on their entwined fingers. They're not as good quality as the ones taken of Bucky but Steve loves them just as much.

Steve hopes it counts as giving his reaction to Bucky's photoshoot.

**Author's Note:**

> i was looking at pictures from out magazine, beardsley is a butt, the usual


End file.
